Ask yourself this:
do you become nervous when you are placed in the spotlight? Do
strangers make you shudder? Does the simple thought of talking in front
of people make you want to run to the nearest restroom? Well guess what
-- you're not alone! Many people in the world suffer from mild to
extreme shyness -- and are struggling to overcome it. Remember that
breaking out from that shell doesn't magically happen overnight. It
takes time, effort, and of course, the desire to change. Following are
some tips to assist you in overcoming shyness.
Figure out what makes you feel shy.
Do you become shy in front of new audiences? When learning a new skill?
When venturing into a new situation? When surrounded by people you know
and admire? When you don't know anyone somewhere? Try to pinpoint the
thoughts that go through your head right before the shyness hits. Then
come up with some "I" statements that you can repeat to yourself, like a
mantra, to head off those thoughts: "I can do this", "I look good", "I
have something to offer", etc.
Build your self confidence.
Everyone has some special gift or trait to offer to the world. It may
sound corny, but it's true. Think about what you know, what you can do,
and what you have accomplished, rather than fixating on how you look,
sound, or dress. Keep in mind that everyone, even the "beautiful
people", has something about themselves or their life that they don't
like. There's no particular reason why your "problem" should make you
shy while their "problem" doesn't make them shy.
o Get comfortable.
Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, and build
up your confidence through them. Eventually, this will translate to
other situations being more comfortable.
o Close your eyes and visualize a situation where you might be shy.
Now, in your mind's eye, make yourself feel confident. Do this often,
and for different situations. This is most effective if you do this
daily, especially in the morning. It might feel silly, but athletes use
visualization to develop their skills, so why not you?
o Maintain close bonds with your friends, as they can be there for you as you crack out of your shell. They'll be glad to help and encourage you with your progress. 3
Look and act approachable. Convey an open, friendly attitude with your body language.
o Smile and make eye contact.
A simple smile in the direction of a stranger may brighten your day,
and it will brighten theirs, too! Smiling is a friendly way to
acknowledge others, and it makes a pretty good lead-in to start a
conversation with anyone, stranger or friend. It breaks the ice and
loosens up your facial muscles, too.
o Practice good posture and speaking clearly.
Standing tall gives the world the impression that you are
self-confident and receptive to others. Speaking clearly will help avoid
the potential embarrassment of needing to repeat what you said due to
mumbling or talking too quietly.
o Laugh often, but
only at things you find genuinely amusing. It will help ease any tension
you may be feeling and will make you feel more relaxed.
o Don't look preoccupied. Don't work on papers, text or do your make-up if you want someone to talk to you. 4
Set goals for yourself. Focus on small, daily accomplishments, then gradually become more daring.
o Make a list of situations that make you feel anxious.
Order them so that those things that cause you the least anxiety are
first and those that cause you the most anxiety are last. Once you have a
list of 10-15 stressful situations, start working through them,
one-by-one. The first few "easier" situations will help build your
confidence so that you can continue moving to more difficult situations
on your list. Don't worry if you have to go backwards on the list
sometimes; take it at your own pace, but make an effort to push
yourself.
o Introduce yourself to one new person each day.
It is often easier to talk with strangers, at least briefly. After all,
you may never see them again, so who cares what they think about you?5
Make new friends. Talk
to somebody you would not normally think about having a conversation
with. Try to find people who share one or more of your interests and
find excuses to talk to them. It is great practice for more daring
behavior. Initiate conversation with a simple starter, such as, "That's a
nice bag, where did you get it?" or "It's really nice outside, don't
you think?" Most people are good-natured and will be welcoming to your
advances. People often indicate that they are interested in conversing
by starting this way, so learn to take the bait when it arises, and try
to say as much in response as possible.
Try doing stuff you never dreamed you would. Doing something really
outlandish, like sky diving, will: a) provide an endorphin rush; and b)
give you a story to tell when you are making conversation with people.
And if you can find the courage to do something that big, then something
like talking to a cute girl/guy should seem easy. 7
Don't compare yourself to others.
- The more you compare yourself to others, you will feel that you are
not able to measure up and the more intimidated you will feel, which
will make you shyer.
Follow the rules, but don't overdo it
- You should actually let yourself go out of the box a bit and loosen
up. You don't have to be uptight about everything you do. If you are
trying to conform to the standards wherever you go, you'll probably have
feeling that you are not doing something right and are more likely to
clam up. Try not to over obsess on what everyone thinks about you.
Nobody really cares and people do like fun and exciting people. That
makes this world more exciting. Just follow the rules at the basic
level, such as dress nicely when you are going to a funeral or such.
Tips
Just know that everyone, at least most of us, are shy to some level the
difference is the degree, and know that at some age this will happen but
soon it will go away so don't worry and stress about it you can change
if you want to. you might be saying its hard but to your surprise its
extremely easy.*
Remember that shyness is an emotion, not a permanent personality trait!
You have the power to change your feelings of shyness and act in a
bolder manner.
There's nothing wrong with being shy, but there's nothing wrong with being outgoing either!
You can also overcome shyness permanently, by using methods base on emotional autosuggestion.
Deep breathing helps overcome nervousness.
Focus more on logic, try to avoid being overwhelmed by emotions.
Keep working at it. It may take you time to feel more comfortable, don't get discouraged.
As time passes, you'll notice that you've actually beaten a bit of that shyness. Think of it as a motivation to keep on!
Remember, if you find the courage to speak and not be afraid you will
become more comfortable with that concept and eventually act that way
almost all the time.
If you think everyone is looking at you, such as when crossing the road
or walking through a public place, watch someone else do the same thing
and really take note to see if other people are watching that person.
You will be surprised to realize that we are not that noticed by others
in the grand scheme of things!
Don't be afraid to seek professional help; group counseling, individual
counseling, and therapy can help you along the way. Sometimes it's more
than just shyness, and it's important to realize that. Social Anxiety
Disorder is often seen as "extreme shyness", so make sure that you know
what you have.
Smile often. People will think of you as more approachable, and you will
do better socially. Smile when people talk to you so they know you're
interested in conversation. NOTE: This can be overdone and if you smile
too hard or too much it can be creepy.
Give yourself lots of time to talk. Speaking slowly gives you more time
to think about what to say, as well as often adding weight to your
words.
Shyness is sometimes seen as classy.
Many children grow out of their shyness.
Perhaps your shyness comes from stage fright? If you're having
difficulties speaking in front of an audience, it is a good idea to
choose a person in the audience that you feel comfortable around, and
keep your eyes on them the entire time, as if your speech were directed
at them. Eventually, you will be able to let your eyes roam around the
room, connecting with each member of the audience.
If it is too difficult to look at anyone in the audience, try
focusing on an object amidst or near the audience, such as a spot on the
wall behind them.
Overcome stage fright by imagining you are someone else, such as a
favorite celebrity you admire. Picture yourself as that person until you
feel comfortable onstage.
When talking to someone you admire, be confident and be yourself. Share
interest you both enjoy, it should break the ice and you`ll become great
friends at first!
Tell yourself how far you've come from where your shyness began. If you
used to be really shy, and now you're a little bit less, tell yourself
that's such a big accomplishment because losing your shyness isn't easy!
Playing games is a great way to slowly break out of your shell and talk to people.
If you're shy because you are scared of what people might say about you,
they can also do that when you're not shy. The fact is that people make
mistakes all the time! Don't be afraid, people have to accept you for
who you are.
Warnings
Sometimes, shyness can be a serious obstacle to overcome. Be prepared for quite some work.
Shyness could be a cause of being bullied and that could make shyness worse.
If you were known for being shy amongst family members and friends,
watch out for the harmless teasing. Some may be uncomfortable with you
existing outside the category they've put you in, in their own minds.
Ignore them. They mean well, but don't let them scare you back into your
shell!
Remember, you are human just like everyone else. Someone else might have
way more problems than you but still be more outgoing than you. Just be
human, start speaking your mind, and don't care about what people think
about you. At least they're thinking about you.
